For years Sara did not have a relaxed morning routine. With three children under the age of five, she found herself living in a day-to-day survival mode, plopping on her bed at night often in total exhaustion. In the first week of September, after helping her youngest childe Morgan board the bus for first grade, Sara suddenly found the house quiet and empty. Years of crushed cereal on the floor, diapers needing to be changed, and toddler videos were gone. She made a cup of the gourmet coffee her husband, Matt had given her for her birthday. With the warm mug in hand, she sat on the sofa and began to enjoy the quietness of the morning. She picked up the family Bible and read Psalms 143:8 “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love for I have put my trust in you.” Sara felt God’s presence and she began to pray. In many ways she had actually become closer to God in the last several years. She had learned to lean on Him during the challenging times of being a young mother. Her faith had strengthened even though she hadn’t had time for quiet morning devotions since before the kids were born. She thanked God for the new season in her life, one that now would provide an opportunity for her to have more tender times of reflection with God.

Lord, thank you for your mercies in life which are new every morning. I want to fill my heart, soul, and mind with devotion and love for you each day. Refresh me with Your Spirit as I seek to serve You.

In a while we will be leaving to go to my son’s school for their annual Family Day. And this year, it falls during Valentines Day. Amidst the busyness that is going on preparing for the things that we need to bring to school and preparing for the things that my husband would be bringing for his business trip a11:00 AM today,still I am feeling the spirit of valentines today. My kids are so excited for today. However my husband and I already made plans for our valentines celebration when he gets back tomorrow. We did not give each other valentine presents. Though I received valentine cards both from my kids. It seems like my husband and I already gave each other save the date postcards. We already know that this day is supposed to be our day. But due to some situations that we could not control, we had to postpone it a day after. But the day or the event should not matter after all. It’s what keeping the love alive, every single day matters most. Falling in love is really easy. But staying in love is what always counts. So to all those lovers out there, you really don’t have to wait for Valentines Day to show love to each other. Let everyday be a valentines day. Stay in love everyone.

I wish I could have the inner strength to exercise. I really need to get fit. Not because of any other reason, but because I am conscious that I am not getting any younger. I need to preserve my health. But I don’t want to get fit using the “short cut” method. I am really not sure what are the side effects of methylburn. Exercise is still the best and the safest way to get fit. But just like some people out there, “my body is willing but my sprit is weak.”

A friend of mine is 4 months pregnant. She was very happy when she found out. She really prayed for it. It was indeed an answered prayer. But that was not easy. Because comes with her pregnany is acne. What once a pretty face is not so pretty anymore. I kept on encouraging her that its just because of the changes in her hormones. She is tempted already to apply acne treatments. But I kept on stopping her becuase I know that once she gives birth, it will all go away. Pregnancy is not easy after all. But once your baby is born, you’ll soon forget how ugly you become when you were still carrying him. I missed being pregnant. But I would not surely miss the “ugly me” part…

One of my previous post I mentioned that my house help went home to her hometown because her grandfather died.  She said it will be for 3 days only.  Thinking about my 3 miserable days made me scared already.  but lo and behold, she is not coming back…Her parents would not allow her because she has to take care of her newly widowed grandmother.  So the 3 miserable days extended to 9 days already.  During the weekend, I a general cleaning in the house.  Did I just do that?  Amazingly I did.  Then I cam across these gifts that I got from my agents.  2 was given to me as an appreciation on 2 different years and 1 was sort of a personalized made birthday card.  I read it again.  It felt me happy to read those messaged that they appreciate me. (that’s what it says in the message…lol).  I grabbed my cam and took shots of these tokens of appreciation I got.  Though this might be late, but knowing my agents value what I taught them, it made me feel good.  Made me even forgot that my body was already aching of moving things around the house.  To all who has been under me, from day 1 until you have been moved to another LOB, or promoted,I would like to say Thank you too for making me feel valued.  It means a lot.

It was my son’s 9th birthday.  We celebrated it at Jollibee due to public demand…As the kids were playing my husband and I were sitting in a table at a corner.  As we were talking, he told me that there was a new traffic enforcer in town.  As I checked it out, I was shocked…I grabbed my camera right away and started taking shots.  It’s not that I am a fan of his, but this sight, you can’t capture everyday,  I see a lot of smiling faces in the streets as he enforced the traffic.  I know one way or another he made those tired drivers smile and even for a while he eased their weariness of having to work hard every single day.  As I am posting this blog, I realized that maybe we can also be creative in our own little way to make some people smile.  I know it would always go a long way. This simple act made me smile and it made others smile.  Smile is very contagious so it’s not a bad idea to spread it around.  Kudos to you Jollibee!

The new traffic enforcer!

When God says NO to your prayers, will you still praise him?  After all those tears, the fist clenched hand ached from pleading, the droopy knees from kneeling, the aching arms from reaching.  And God says “NO”.  There will silent cries that will follow and questions starts to grow.  “Why?”  Can’t seem to stop the tears.  Throat gets dry.  You’re catching your breath from wanting to shout.  You can’t say thank you anymore.  Has your faith been waived?  Have you not prayed enough?  Have you not called God long enough?  Why God does say NO?  There has to be a reason.  Has God gone deaf?

Discouragement is another diabolical key that opens the door for strife, the thief of our happiness.  In a moment of weary resignation and discouragement, you open your mouth and release the fear that was in your heart.  “He is finished with me.  I give up”.  But that should not be the case.  Pick up where you left of, restart your worship-reclaim your destiny.  Do not say you are finished with something until God says He is finished with it.  Go back to the same place where you witnessed a miracle if you want another one.  Go back there and lift your perspective.  If God has done it once, He can do it again.  Throw down the final stick of your strength and surrender to God.  You can’t do it on your own anyway, so what do you have to lose?  Dare to trust!

Remember that God will never work until it is too late and you are down to nothing.  Remember that ZERO is the very best place to be-it is just hard to get there.  The path to your personal ZERO point is also a Beautiful Journey to a supernatural seedtime and harvest.  One of the oddest things about God’s economy is His attraction to human emptiness.  He values your emptiness far more than the measure of your fullness.  God will always respond to the emptiness offered through your broken and contrite heart.

So what to do when God says NO?  Worship!  It is the greatest of all mood-altering drugs.  It possesses the power to turn the darkest night into the brightest day.  Worship! And if God fails you, you will be the first person in history that He’s failed.  (And I don’t think you are that important for Him to ruin His redemption over.)  Keep on worshipping.  Pick up the pieces and march on…

What on earth am I here for keeps running my mind.  Am I here to be a wife who serves his husband who snores so loudly in the night, who I think that the only he time he focuses is when he watches TV?  Am I here to be a mother of kids who seem to have no problem at all but and does nothing but ransack the house?  Am I here to be a daughter of a Father who is never around and a Mother who will never learn to let go?  Am I here to be a friend to people who only thinks evil of you or thinks that you don’t deserve what you have and that they are far more better than anybody else?  Am I here to be a teacher to younger generations whom you never know if they are listening or is just finding flaws in you so they can tell themselves that you are not at all perfect and you don’t know everything?  Am I here to live in this country who is led by corrupt leaders?  Am I here to live in a society that has unending problems and seem to get harder and harder everyday? 
Yes, I am here because of that and for 101 more reasons.  I am here for a purpose and the ultimate purpose is to make a difference.  To be a considerate wife, a patient mother, loving daughter, sincere friend, responsible person and a good citizen.  To the one who can love, give and bless.  To be grateful to the one and only reason why I am here.  To bring out the best in me and to give Him back all the glory.  If He has given up so much for me, then why I cant I give up something for Him.  My ultimate reason for being here is to be a reflection of God’s love.

Gabbriela was the president of the sorority while Samuel was a star in basketball. They were both college then. Gabby and her friends love to watch basketball and they were a fan. They often bumped into each other. Until one day, when Gabby was on her way home, Sam caught up to her. “Hey Gab, are you going home?” Gabby was not surprised that Sam knew her name. She knew that she was popular in school. But she was not like the normal school princess that is usually a brat and a snob. Yes, Gabby was pretty. She has a very cute tiny dimple on both sides near her lower lip that would only show up when she smiles. She was brains and beauty combined. “Hi” Gabby responded and was about to say his name but held back because she don’t want him to know that she knows him. She gave him a question marked face. “Oh, I’m sorry” Sam said. “I was just about to ask you if you are already going home. I know that we live on the same street. The guys already left and I had to stay behind because I need to do some research at the library. Would you mind if I walk with you?” He already knew that he sounded defensive. But he pretended to keep cool. “Sure” Gabby said. And they both walked. They were so silent for a few minutes. Sam was thinking, “I have to break the silence. What would I say to her?… Uhm, Gab, I know that you are so good with Math, Oh and in fact I heard that you are so good with school in general, would you mind teaching me some tricks?” “Trick?” Gabby repeated the word and giggled. “There are no tricks. But I can teach you how to be good at it. I don’t think it’s called a trick. I think its called study” She shook her head but did not wipe out the smile. “So that’s a yes?” Sam asked. Gabby just nodded. And that started it all. From then on, Sam goes to Gabby’s house every after school. It all started with seriously studying Math, until they started sharing secrets. They grew so close with each other that they spend most of their free times together. Gabby has learned to hang out with the boys and Sam had his share of carrying shopping bags when Gabby and her friends would go out.

After college, Gabby worked as an executive assistant of a very big shipping company. Sam was a year behind than Gabby in college because he was a varsity and he could not take all his subjects at the same time as much as Gabby can take hers. And right after Sam graduated, it was so timely that the company Gabby was working for is need of an accountant which Sam was and so he recommended him. Their friendship grew deeper. Until in the Christmas Eve of 2oo4, Sam was pacing back and forth in their family living room. His mom sitting down in the sofa reading a book noticed him and called up his attention and asked “Is everything okay honey?” “Mom, do you think it’s a good idea if I tell Gabby that I love her?” Sam asked. “What? You are in love with Gabby. I thought she is your best friend.” “That’s exactly my point mom. That is why I love her because she is my best friend. She already knew so much about me as much as I know so much about her. And in order for a relationship to work, a couple must be friends as well right?” “Well, you are already old enough. If you think that you really love her, more than just a friend does then tell her. But honey, please be careful. She might not feel the same way. And you might end up hurt or worse, you might break your friendship.” “That is why I am confused Mom. But I should give it a try. Wish me luck” “No honey, I wish you love”. Sam bent down and gave her mom a tight hug and her mom hugged him back. “I love you Mom. Merry Christmas.” “Merry Christmas too honey, and I love you so much.” A minute after the clock stuck 12 midnight, Sam was already holding the phone on his hand and sighed deeply. “Let’s go” he told himself. So he dialed Gabby’s number. His hand was shaking. “Hello” somebody answered on the other line. “Hi, is Gabby there?” “Hey Gab, it’s Sam”. Gabby’s mom knew Sam’s voice already, as he was also close to Gabby’s family. Gabby answered the phone panting. She was shouting on the other line because it was so loud in the background with fireworks and party music. “Hey Sam, are you coming over?” “Uhm no. I just want to tell you something?” “What? I could not hear you Sam. Can you speak a little louder. It is so loud in here.” “Uhm, forget it Gab, I’ll just talk to you tomorrow then.” “What?” Gabby was still shouting. Sam was so tensed already. “Wait, don’t hang up okay. I’ll get inside.” So Sam waited patiently. He was sweating all over. So when he heard Gabby’s voice on the other line, he froze. “Hello Sam, you still there?” Gabby’s voice was so clear this time. “Yes” Sam said softly. “Sam, is everything all right?” “Uhm Gab, just want to say Merry Christmas.” “Yeah. Merry Christmas too Sam. Are you coming over? The party just started.” “Uhm no.” “Sam, are you really sure everything’s okay.” “Uhm yeah” was all Sam could say. “Okay then. See you tomorrow.” “Uhm okey. Bye” “Bye” Gabby answered back. “Uhm Gab” Sam hesitated. “Yes”-answered Gabby. “Merry Christmas and I love you” “I love you too Sam” Gabby answered without any hesitation. “No Gab, really. I love you. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Not just a friend. I love you more than that.” Then Sam paused. There was silence on the other line. “Gab, you still there?” Gabby was dumbfounded. “Sam, I don’t know what to say?” “ You don’t have to say anything and you don’t have to love me back either. I would understand if you won’t. But just one thing I ask, please don’t change. I don’t want our friendship to end. I am telling you this because I want to do something that a friend will not usually do. I will love you and I will show you how I love without asking anything in return. I will give this to you freely. And I don’t expect any payment. Gab, please let me love you.” “Sam, I want to pay you back. I don’t want to get it for free. Because I love you too. And I am glad that you do.” “Really?” Sam’s face and lightened up. “Yes, really”. “I love you” Sam told Gabby boldly this time. “I love you too Sam”. Gabby answered back smiling.

After 2 years working as an accountant, Sam was offered a better job and with better compensation. Sam needed the money because his Mom was has just been diagnosed with bone cancer. He really needs to help with paying bills, medicines, chemo and all. So he was left with no choice but to take the offer. But he would be assigned in a different Town and he would need to travel 3 hours at more or less to get home. So he decided to rent an apartment there and would just go home during the weekend. Gabby was not at all happy with the set up at first but she perfectly understood the situation and accepted it. After a few months, the phone calls which was their way of communication got fewer and fewer. Gabby knew something was wrong. One day, while she was trying to call Sam, the phone kept on ringing. Which was so unlikely. Sam would always pick up right away. He would always keep his phone beside. She dialed again. After a couple of rings, Sam picked up. “Hi” “Where have you been?” Gabby asked right away. “Uhm, I left my phone” Sam sounded tensed. “Where” Gabby asked calmly. “In the car?” Sam sounded a little irritated already. “How” Gabby voice started to tremble. “What do you mean how? I left my phone in the car. How am I supposed to answer that question Gab?” Sam raised his voice. “Why are you mad? I was just asking?” Gabby raised his voice too but sounded calmer than Sam. “No, you were interrogating.” Sam now angry. “I was not. It is just so unlikely. You don’t leave your phone and now you have left it?” Gabby voice calmed a little sensing Sam’s mood already. “So this time I did. What’s wrong with that.” Sam’s voice still mad but was not shouting anymore. “Nothing is wrong with that Sam. I was just asking. Because of all times, you should have not left your phone especially now because you know that I will call because it is your birthday.” Gabby wiped the tear that rolled her cheek. But she tried to control herself from crying. “Look Gab, I’m sorry okay. I am a little stressed at worked and you know Mom’s situation. It so hard for me to be here and I cant be there for mom.” Sam calmed down after she noticed Gabby’s voice trembling. He knew that she was about to cry. “I understand. I just want to say Happy Birthday and I love you”. Gabby did not argue anymore. Sam replied “I love you too Gab. Look, I will make it up to you during the weekend okay. I Promise. But I have to go. Take care”. As Sam hang up. Gabby put down the phone gently. She was just staring at the steering wheel of her car where she was when she called Sam. Gabby sighed deeply. She knew that something was up. Sam has always been a fighter. She knew Sam so well. When Sam found out about her Mom’s condition, he was so strong and he handled it well. He was a balance person and he knew that Sam could also handle stress. “That was a lame excuse.” She told herself. Sam was almost perfect. Except that, he is not a perfect liar. She knew that Sam was lying. So she started her car and drove to the town where Sam was staying. She drove almost 3 hours before he reached at Sam’s apartment. Her heart was beating so fast. She strongly believed in her woman’s instinct. She felt scared. She stared at the upper window, which was Sam’s room. The lights were on. So she knew she was home. She said a prayer. “Lord, please give me strength.” So she stepped out the car and went to Sam’s apartment. She rang the doorbell. It took a while before she heard footsteps down the stairs. Sam opened the door half-naked with only a towel wrapping his lower limbs. She was relieved. But Sam looked surprised. “What are you doing here?” “Aren’t you glad to see me?” Gabby asked. “I am but” before Sam could continue she asked, “Aren’t you going to let me in?” “Look, Gab, this is not the right time. We are having a boy’s party in a while. Some of the people are already upstairs. And more of them will be coming over.” Sam sounded so defensive. “So you won’t let me in? Is that what your saying Sam?” Gabby sounded upset. “Sam you are a good person, but I know you too well. And I know that you are hiding something from me. You know that I hang out with boys. Ever since. Now you’re telling me, that it is not the right time? I came all over here to surprise you Sam. But you know what? It doesn’t matter anymore. I do not want to know what is going upstairs and I do not want to find out who is upstairs, because I do not want to think that you people spend night outs in your bedroom half-naked. Goodbye Sam. And oh, before I forget, here is my birthday gift for you. I wont be able to use it anyway.” Gabby handed him Sam’s favorite perfume with a red ribbon wrapped attached on top of the box. Gabby turned away and went straight to her car, started the engine and drove away. Sam was just staring at her, a feeling of guilt in his eyes, part of him wanted to run after her but part of him wanted to stay. After a while, there was a woman’s voice calling her from upstairs. “Sam, who was that?”

They have not seen or spoke with each other after that night. Gabby was able to confirm in time that Sam was really seeing somebody else. It took a year before they finally saw each other face to face again. It was Wednesday, but when she passed by Sam’s house on his way to work, she saw his car parked on the sidewalk. She slowed down and mad sure. When she got to her office, she called Sam’s house. Not because she wanted to talk to him, but she just wants to know if everything was all right. “Hello” It was Cherie Sam’s older sister who picked up the phone. “Hi, this is Gabby.” “Oh Hi Gab. What can I do for you? You want to talk to Sam?” “No,no,no.” Gabby said. “When I passed by this morning I saw Sam’s car. I just want to know if everything’s alright.” “Thank you. It is so sweet of you Gab. But no, we are not all okay. Mom just died early this morning. Sam was already here last night because Mom was already on coma. We just did not bring her to the hospital because we wanted her to rest already. She has suffered so much. We knew this is going to happen soon. So we are all prepared for this except for Sam. He just loved Mom so much.” Gabby was just silent. “Gab, we would really appreciate it if you’d come over here and talk to Sam. He needs you right now.” Gabby went straight home from work. When she stepped in the door, she saw both her mom and dad sitting and waiting for her in their family living room. “Gab” her dad broke the silence. “You know already?” She just nodded. It was hard for Gabby as well since she was close to Sam’s mother. But most of all, she really didn’t know what to do because she knew that Sam was hurting so much and she wanted to be there for him. After supper, Gabby went out to their family garden. Twas a cold night. Gabby was sitting in their garden bench staring at the stars. Her knees were up to her chin and both her hands hugging it as she rock back and forth. She was thinking hard on how to get even with Sam. But it was just all in the mind. She could not do it. She loved him so much. She could no longer cry. It is as if her tears are all gone. It was so painful; she could no longer feel it. Tears just started to fall. She hid her head between her knees and sobbed. She cried because she was sad by the loss of a person close to her and she was sad because she knew she needed to do something, which she don’t want to do anymore. She was crying for sometime already when she noticed a tap on her shoulder. When she looked up, she saw her dad. “Can I sit down?” “She just nodded. “I’m so sorry about the loss. But I know there is something more than that. Gab, you know that you can always talk to me.” “ I just needed to let this all out Dad. I am sad most of all, because I know I have to be there for Sam. But I don’t want to. I am hurting too. I have forgiven Sam already. But it’s just so painful Dad. It’s still is. I want to get even. But there is this part of me that kept on pushing me to be there with Sam. I don’t know what to do. I’m so confused.” “Listen to your heart Gab. Remember what I taught you. Loving even if it hurts. That’s loving unconditionally. Expecting nothing in return. Continue to love even if they don’t deserve it. Continue to hold on to that hope. Till there is still love, keep it. It will just go away, if it’s bound to leave. But while it’s still there, deal with it. I know you are smart. You know what to do. I trust you,” Her dad told her. “Dad, just hold me. Hold me till this will go.”Gabby cried. “Ssshhh… I will just be here” Gabby’s dad opened his arms wide and Gabby just squeezed into her dad’s arms and laid down her dad’s chest. Her dad closed his arms and rubbed Gabby’s back gently. He started to sing “Hush little baby, don’t say a word, daddy’s gonna buy you a mocking bird.” Gabby sang the next line with her dad still crying. “If that mocking bird won’t sing, daddy’s gonna buy you a diamond ring….”

It was still 6:00 am and the chapel was already half full. Gabby slowly walked in. She was planning to sit in the last pews of the chapel but when she turns her head to the left, she saw Sam looking at her. She saw the sadness on his face. She forced a smile to him but turned her head the other way as if to look for a vacant seat. As soon as she found a space, she excused herself, sat down, and started staring at the chapel altar as if she was looking at something there. The chapel was silent you could hear a needle drop. Literally. Because you could hear, somebody trying to get inside the chapel and without a doubt that person getting in was wearing a stiletto. She was tempted to turn around and look for the shoe owner. There was a pretty girl, wearing an elegant black dress. She wore thick makeup and her hair was bronze and curly. She did a catwalk down the chapel aisle and went straight ahead to Sam. Gabby swallowed hard as she saw the girl, grab Sam’s face with both her hands and gave Sam a kiss on the lips. She knew right away that she was the girl. She faced the altar very quickly as if she was guilty that she saw them kissed. She never turned her head until the ceremony ended. At the funeral reception, she was just sitting in a couch and holding a glass if iced tea on her hand. She was just staring at people as they pass by her and sometimes smiles at those familiar faces. Then she started to feel uncomfortable when she saw Sam and that gorgeous girl again. They were both holding hands as they came in. She froze on her seat when she saw Sam approaching her and let go of the girl’s hand when she noticed her. She wanted to run, but it happened to quickly. Sam was already in front of her. “Hi”. Pretending not to notice him coming, she looked up and tried to look surprised. “Oh Hi” Gabby told Sam coldly. “Thank you for coming Gab. It meant so much to me to see you here” Sam’s eyes was teary. “She was a friend too” Gabby answered back. “I know you love Mom” Gabby did not respond to that. Before Sam could say a word she heard the same footsteps she heard in the chapel and as the steps grew louder she knew that the girl in stiletto was walking towards them. Before she could looked at the direction, she heard a voice “Oh baby, there you are” Sam did not turn around but was continuously staring at Gabby who stood up and faced both of them and said “Gotto go. See ya around” and Gabby quickly turn around. “Gab” she heard Sam called her name softly but she pretend not to hear it and went straight to the patio and sat on the steps. She could not leave yet because her parents were still inside. She really wanted to leave already. A tear started to fall but she quickly wiped it. She tried not to cry. But it was so hard to control it that sometimes a tear or two would just fall but she was able to manage to wipe it right away so nobody would noticed it.

Back inside, Sam was so restless and was looking around every now and then. He would stop once in while and chat with some people who would express their condolences to him and then excuses himself and paces around the room again. The girl with the stiletto was also doing some small chitchat with some people in the room and seemed to be enjoying herself. At one time she bumped with Sam in the room but just gave him a smile and continued socializing with the people there. Sam decided to get out of the room. Not that the room was noisy. But he felt he needed to get out of the crowd. He went to the patio and sat down the stairs where Gabby used to sit a few minutes ago. As Sam was sitting there, he immediately missed her mom. When times like this, he knew he could always come to her. But this time he has to deal with the pain on his own. Gabby was about to return to her usual seat. She had to go to the washroom and powder and freshen up so people will not notice that she was crying. But when she looked at the steps, she saw Sam sitting there already. She was about to turn around but even before she made a step, Sam turned around as if he smelled her presence. Sam stood up right away. “Gab”. He sounded as if he was asking for help. Gabby knew right away, what Sam wanted. So she slowly walked toward him and reached out and hugged him. She hugged him tightly as Sam hugged her back and wept. Gabby was just silent as Sam poured out everything. It was as if Sam has been holding to those tears and it felt so heavy already on his eyes that he had to pour it. Sam cried and sobbed like a child. He has never cried like this ever since, not even the time when he found out that his mom was gone already. While the two were still hugging at each other, the girl in stiletto stepped out and saw the two of them. She did not interrupt. She just watched them. Her eyes became teary because she knew now who owns Sam’s heart. They have been going out for almost a year, but Sam never, ever talked to her about his problem. She did not know that his mom was suffering cancer until she died. She did not know that Sam was so close to his mom. He never saw Sam cried. He saw Sam as blank. He did not knew about his past or know nothing of his future dreams. What he knew of Sam is the Sam that he know he is. Shallow. He knew Sam do not love her. He told him so himself. He said that somebody else owns his heart. But that’s just it. No further details. She would see sometimes Sam staring blankly into space, but would dare not ask. She knew that this was going to happen, but she never expected it to happen too soon. She was already prepared for this. She just stayed with Sam because she likes him but she herself was not even sure if she is ready to get to know the real Sam. But she did not realized that she was starting to fall for him until she saw what she saw. But it’s still not too late yet. She thought. She knew that she still can handle the pain. But she was not sure if she would force herself into Sam’s life, she might not be able to control herself anymore but will really fall for him totally. She has to stop. And she needs to stop now. She cleared her throat, cleared her eyes, and approached them. Ehhhm. As she was stood beside them. The two broke up and faced her. Sam did not apologize as if he knew that she would understand. Even before Sam could speak, she said, “Sam I need to go.” “But you can stay for the night”. Sam was trying to be hospitable. But she spoke firmly. “Sam, really. I have to go. And I mean really go.” Sam understood what she meant. “We need to talk” But before Sam could finish his sentence, she interrupted Sam. “You don’t have to be sorry for me Sam. You know that I can manage. And I understand you. I just want you to be happy. Because you are such a good person Sam and you deserve to be with the one that you love.” As she looked at Gabby who was just staring the floor as they were speaking. “Goodbye Sam.” The girl continued. “See you around.” And she stepped down the stairs and walked. Sam did not move and so did Gabby. As the girl in stiletto disappeared in their sight Sam looked at Gabby in the eyes. “Gab, thank you.” Gabby asked, “what was that about?” as she moved her head to the direction where the girl in stiletto walked. “Why did you not stop her? Are you like that Sam? Does it make you happy if you are hurting people?” Sam was just silent. Gabby continued. “You are unbelievable Sam.” Sam interrupted. “Gab, listen to me. I did not follow her because I know she would understand. She knew from the start that I Love you and I have never stopped. She was the only friend that I have when I missed you. She was the only one who would make me forget the pain every time I would think that Mom would have to go soon. She was there when I needed her. Because you were not around. I tried to call you, but you won’t answer my calls. That night that you came, I was really telling the truth. The boys were upstairs but I don’t want you to get in because there were girls upstairs too. They rented some stripper as their birthday gift to me. If I knew you were coming, I should have not agreed to it. But Gab, God knows, I was not cheating. I was not able to answer the phone right away because I had to run and lock myself in the closet so you won’t hear the noise. Karen stepped into my life after 3 months. She found me sleeping in the streets because I was so drunk. She picked me up and drove me to her place until I was sober. We became friends from then on until one thing led to another. But she knew that I was in love with you. She was there when my life was in hell because you were not around. And in fact, I owe my life to her. But, Gab, its you. You are the reason why I am still alive. You are the reason why I did not give up. Every time she hugs me, I wish it was you hugging me. But you gave up on me. You gave me up. Yes, I owe my life to Karen because she was there in my lowest. But it’s just my life Gab. Because when I was with her, I did not have my heart with me. Because it was with you. All along. Gabby started to cry. She cried so hard that she could no longer speak. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry Sam. I was being so selfish. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” She kept repeating those words over and over until Sam hugged her. As she buried her face in Sam’s shoulder, she was still saying sorry. “Shhh… It’s okay. I’m here now and I will always be here. I will never, ever, ever let you go again. I love you. And I am taking my heart back.” Gabby gave her pout. “But I am taking yours with me.” As he said it, he touched Gabby’s face with his both hands as he gently bent over. Gabby closed her eyes as she slowly felt Sam’s breathing. She was just waiting until she felt his lips touched hers…

“What a day!” Tracy jumped into the bed without removing her clothes. She lay down facing the ceiling with arms stretch wide. She was smiling. “I love you and I will never leave you” kept ringing in her mind. She believed it with all her heart. She was just so happy that night because something happened to her and her boyfriend Kyle. They have been together for a month and this is the first time they slept together. She suddenly heard her sister knocking at the door. “May I come in?” Lorie said. Tracy did not answer. She was a little disappointed that her daydream was suddenly interrupted. In spite of the silence, Lorie proceeded to get in and walked straight to her bed and lay down beside her. Tracy, still not moving. Lorie said “I am so pissed today.” Realizing that Tracy was just silent, she moved her hand and slap Tracy in the lap without moving her entire body. “Ouch! What is wrong with you?” At last, Tracy said something. “You are so not here.” Lorie answered back. Tracy stood up and began taking her clothes off. Lorie still lying down. “This is the most amazing day in my life. Kyle and I”… and before she could finish her sentence, Lorie screamed…”Eeeey. You already”… “Ah huh”, Tracey interrupted her sister. Lorie jumped and hugged her sister. “I am so happy for you”…She even forgot the reason why she needed to talk to Tracy…

“What a day!” Tracy jumped into the bed without removing her clothes…After a month. Same scenario happened but this time, there was no smile in Tracy’s face but tears rolling over her eyes. She was delayed for two weeks already and she just did a frog test, which is positive. She is pregnant. “What would I tell mom?” She stood up and went to a table in the corner of her room. She got stationery and started writing a letter to her mom. After crumpling a few stationery, at last she finished her letter. She folded the paper placed it an envelope and labeled it “To Mom” She then stood up, went to her closet and started pulling her clothes from the hanger and started folding it. She placed it in her big black traveling bag. She took all her jewelry, placed it in a small sling bag, and throws it in the big bag. She is all packed and ready to go. She took the bag and went downstairs. Nobody was home yet. Both her mom and Lorie. So she just went straight out the door and called a cab. She placed her baggage at the rare compartment of the cab and then sat at the back of the driver and said, “Airport please”.

A few hours past, she was already riding a cab on her way to her Father’s ancestral home. She flew 45 minutes, ran away from her mom, and went to her dad’s hometown to face the most life changing experience anybody could have. “Pull over please.” She said. The cab driver helped her with her baggage and Tracy handed him the fare. She stood still until the cab was finally away. Realizing she was standing in the sidewalk, she sighed deeply, went straight to the door just a few steps from where she was standing, and rang the bell. Her dad was not home but her grandmother was there. She was the one who opened the door and surprised to see Tracy, she hugged her. She right away knew that something was wrong. It was so obvious in Tracy’s face. She did not dare ask her. Instead pretending not to notice, she smiled and helped Tracey with her baggage as she widely opened the door to give space to Tracy. Tracy then asked, “Granny, is Mitch here?” Granny said “she is in her room. You go to her while I will clean the vacant room for you. I will just call you when it is ready.” “Thanks Granny”, Tracy gave her grandmother a quick kiss in the cheek and went straight up headed to Mitch’s room. Mitch is her cousin, who also is living with her grandmother. She knocked at the door and waited for it to be opened. After a few seconds, she heard some clicking on the other side signaling that her cousin is already opening the door. As soon as the door was finally opened Tracy got in right away, went straight to Mitch’s bed and lay down as what she usually do in her room. “Hi” Mitch said looking puzzled at the same time happy to see her cousin. “Something is wrong, right? It has been years since you visited granny and now you just showed up and lay down on my bed without a word? Now speak”. Mitch jokingly but at the same time seriously demanded.

Tracy then started telling Mitch the whole story. From day one when she met Kyle until when she found out that, she was pregnant. She narrated how she fought with Kyle that morning since he was not yet ready for responsibility and told her upfront that he wants the baby aborted. But Tracy decided to keep the baby. The only problem she was facing now was her mom. How could she explain it to her that she is keeping the baby without a father? Her mom would really go nuts when she will find out. She warned her many times already that she do not want Tracy to end up like her. “It was so hard to raise kids without a father”. That is what her mom would always say. Tracy was still 3 years old when her mom and dad broke up. Good thing her father never lost contact with her and Lorie. But it was really her mother who sustained both of them financially. Her dad was and is still a bum. She really was a strong girl. She was firm with her decision in keeping the baby and moving in her dad’s hometown for good. As she was still talking and Mitch just silent listening to her, her phone rang. She looked at the phone screen and looked at Mitch, “its Lorie” she said. “I think she knows now”. So she clicked on “answer” and placed the phone on her ear but did not say anything. Lorie on the other line knew that Tracy was already there. “Why?” Lorie asked. Tracy just sighed. “Why Tracy?” Lorie asked again. “You do not have to leave. We can work it out. Mom always wants the best for us. She is angry right now and said she does not want to see you again. But I know that when you come home and just apologize, she would understand. You and Mom should talk.” There was a long pause. Then Tracy said, “Lorie, please understand. Just let me be for now. I will fix this mess soon. But just let me be for now. You take care of Mom. I love you. Bye.” And even Lorie could respond she put down the phone and turned it off.

Three months after, Tracy already got the hang of living a simple life. Totally opposite to her life when she was still staying with her Mom. Now, even buying a cereal for herself, she could not afford. Her jewelry was almost gone. She sold almost everything. The only thing that was left was a ring her Mom gave her on her 18th birthday. She had her pre-natal check ups at a public hospital. She did not take any vitamins for herself and the baby because she could not afford it. If she wants to eat something, she will just shove it off and wait for mealtime before she can eat. But she remained firm and dare not call her Mom or Lorie. The luxurious life she used to live is finally gone. One day as she was combing her hair, she noticed that she had a falling hair. She thought that was just it. But she thought wrong. The following day, she was playing with her other cousin’s 1 year old son. As she was playing “peek a boo” with the baby, the baby accidentally held her hair and when she tried to pull it out, she noticed that the baby had a handful of hair left in his hand. She was shocked and ran straight to her room and looked at herself in the mirror. There was already a white spot seen in her head. So she tried to pull her hair again, and true enough, she was able to get a handful as well. But there was no pain. Meaning, its not attached to the roots. Her hair was all falling off. After a few days, Tracy became bald. Giving up her luxurious life and now, she had to give up her beauty as well. Tracy was very beautiful. She was very popular in her school. She was a cheerleader back then. She had men gone crazy after dumping them. Not to mention by the way, that she had a very beautiful, shiny hair.

As she was staying with her grandmother, all she did was go to church, read the bible and pray. She could not work yet because nobody would hire her because she was a bald pregnant woman. People who do not know her would think that she has cancer. As days went by, she became closer and closer to God. And as her spirit became healthier, her body became weaker. On her 8th month of pregnancy, during her monthly pre-natal checkup, the doctor examining and measuring her abdomen height felt a lump in her stomach. The doctor touched it again and was 95% sure that it was a lump. So she recommended Tracy to have an Ultra sound. But having an Ultra sound was expensive. Tracy thought. So she had to make an excuse and told the doctor that she needs to go home and get money to pay for the Ultra sound. The doctor agreed. When Tracy got home, she went straight to her bedroom but this time did not lay down the bed like she used to, but immediately kneeled down and prayed. She cried but did not ask the Lord why? She prayed, “Lord, I know that I am a sinner. But I gave up everything just to be with you. I left my boyfriend because he wanted me to abort the baby, which I did not agree. I left my Mother and sister because I do not want to be burden to them. I know my mother hates me because of what I have done but I do not hate her back because she totally abandoned me. I go hungry because I do not have money to buy me food but would have to wait for whatever my Granny would serve, but you did not hear me complain. I went bald, but I never questioned you. A while ago, the doctor told me that she found a lump in my stomach. She told me that it could possibly be a cyst. If this would be confirmed, she had to operate me and will do a C-section so the baby would not be harmed and she would have to remove the lump. Lord, you know that I don not have money to pay for Ultra-sound; I do not have the money as well to pay the doctor if I have to go for an operation. Lord, I never asked you anything but strength. Now, I am begging you to lead me out through this test. You have emptied me already. Now its time for you to fill me again…”

Tracy went to Mitch’s room after an hour of prayer. She told Mitch everything. Mitch was the one who introduced Tracy to the Lord. She was the one who gave her a bible. She was the one who always accompany Tracy to her monthly pre-natal except that day because she had to do an errand for her Granny. When she heard the story, Mitch got up and told Tracy boldly. “Tracy, it is time to reap.” So she went with Tracy to the doctor. They were still early before the Ultra-sound lab would open. They waited at the lobby. Then Mitch overheard a young lady talking at a woman on the counter. The young lady said “Thank you. Thank you so much.” So Mitch stood up and went to see the woman at the counter. As she got nearer, she saw a small word in the counter label, which was a big word for her. “Charity”. She silently said “thank you Lord.” When she was already at the counter, the woman smiled and asked her “what can I do for you?” So Mitch asked the woman if she could help her cousin and told the woman about the situation. The woman then handed her a form, which Tracy should fill out. This was a Charity form. They will be given a “free laboratory tests” which included Ultra-sound and would cover doctor’s fee for that day. She told Mitch that Tracy could still get free consultation every check-up as long as she fills out the form every time she visits. Mitch only had 500 pesos. And when she checked the Ultra-sound fee, it was 500. But they don’t have to pay anymore. Just in time as soon as Tracy finished filling out the form, the laboratory opened. Since they were very early, she was the first to be called in. She gave the Charity form to the woman in-charged and she was led right away to the Ultra-sound room. She had to wait for a few minutes before she got the result. So, they hurried to the doctors room when she finally got it. When the doctor read the result, she asked, “Tracy, have you been praying? There is nothing here. And I am pretty sure I felt it this morning.” So she had to ask Tracy to lie down so she could look for the lump. As she was feeling all over Tracy’s abdomen, the doctor could not find it anymore.

On her 9th month, as she was already in labor, Mitch accompanied Tracy to the hospital. And in a few hours, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. So when it was time to go home, Tracy was thinking that she can go home right away because Charity has taken cared of everything already. But she still needs to pay 500 pesos for some miscellaneous expenses from the hospital that was not covered by Charity. She called up Mitch and informed her about the problem. So Mitch on her way to fetch her, bumped into an old friend of Tracy. She told her that she is on her way to fetch Tracy. Tracy’s friend told her that she wanted to go with her but she had an important appointment so she will just visit Tracy when she gets home. And before she said goodbye, she handed Mitch 500 pesos and told her “my congratulations gift for her since I don’t have time to buy anything for her or the baby.” And so Tracy was able to pay the hospital bill of 500 pesos which was way, way cheaper than paying the hospital’s normal bill. And that was not it. When she got home, she was surprised by the biggest surprise of all. Her Mom was waiting for her. She did not say a thing. Tracy just went to her and hugged her and whispered, “I am sorry Mom.” But her Mom hushed her and just hugged her. “Where is my grandson?” And Mitch handed her the baby. As days went by, Tracy’s hair grew back, and she regained her beauty. She also found a job. She can buy whatever food she wants to buy now without having to wait for mealtime. But she is still single. Yet, she is happy. Very happy. Who would not be? After all those miracles?