“What a day!” Tracy jumped into the bed without removing her clothes. She lay down facing the ceiling with arms stretch wide. She was smiling. “I love you and I will never leave you” kept ringing in her mind. She believed it with all her heart. She was just so happy that night because something happened to her and her boyfriend Kyle. They have been together for a month and this is the first time they slept together. She suddenly heard her sister knocking at the door. “May I come in?” Lorie said. Tracy did not answer. She was a little disappointed that her daydream was suddenly interrupted. In spite of the silence, Lorie proceeded to get in and walked straight to her bed and lay down beside her. Tracy, still not moving. Lorie said “I am so pissed today.” Realizing that Tracy was just silent, she moved her hand and slap Tracy in the lap without moving her entire body. “Ouch! What is wrong with you?” At last, Tracy said something. “You are so not here.” Lorie answered back. Tracy stood up and began taking her clothes off. Lorie still lying down. “This is the most amazing day in my life. Kyle and I”… and before she could finish her sentence, Lorie screamed…”Eeeey. You already”… “Ah huh”, Tracey interrupted her sister. Lorie jumped and hugged her sister. “I am so happy for you”…She even forgot the reason why she needed to talk to Tracy…
“What a day!” Tracy jumped into the bed without removing her clothes…After a month. Same scenario happened but this time, there was no smile in Tracy’s face but tears rolling over her eyes. She was delayed for two weeks already and she just did a frog test, which is positive. She is pregnant. “What would I tell mom?” She stood up and went to a table in the corner of her room. She got stationery and started writing a letter to her mom. After crumpling a few stationery, at last she finished her letter. She folded the paper placed it an envelope and labeled it “To Mom” She then stood up, went to her closet and started pulling her clothes from the hanger and started folding it. She placed it in her big black traveling bag. She took all her jewelry, placed it in a small sling bag, and throws it in the big bag. She is all packed and ready to go. She took the bag and went downstairs. Nobody was home yet. Both her mom and Lorie. So she just went straight out the door and called a cab. She placed her baggage at the rare compartment of the cab and then sat at the back of the driver and said, “Airport please”.
A few hours past, she was already riding a cab on her way to her Father’s ancestral home. She flew 45 minutes, ran away from her mom, and went to her dad’s hometown to face the most life changing experience anybody could have. “Pull over please.” She said. The cab driver helped her with her baggage and Tracy handed him the fare. She stood still until the cab was finally away. Realizing she was standing in the sidewalk, she sighed deeply, went straight to the door just a few steps from where she was standing, and rang the bell. Her dad was not home but her grandmother was there. She was the one who opened the door and surprised to see Tracy, she hugged her. She right away knew that something was wrong. It was so obvious in Tracy’s face. She did not dare ask her. Instead pretending not to notice, she smiled and helped Tracey with her baggage as she widely opened the door to give space to Tracy. Tracy then asked, “Granny, is Mitch here?” Granny said “she is in her room. You go to her while I will clean the vacant room for you. I will just call you when it is ready.” “Thanks Granny”, Tracy gave her grandmother a quick kiss in the cheek and went straight up headed to Mitch’s room. Mitch is her cousin, who also is living with her grandmother. She knocked at the door and waited for it to be opened. After a few seconds, she heard some clicking on the other side signaling that her cousin is already opening the door. As soon as the door was finally opened Tracy got in right away, went straight to Mitch’s bed and lay down as what she usually do in her room. “Hi” Mitch said looking puzzled at the same time happy to see her cousin. “Something is wrong, right? It has been years since you visited granny and now you just showed up and lay down on my bed without a word? Now speak”. Mitch jokingly but at the same time seriously demanded.
Tracy then started telling Mitch the whole story. From day one when she met Kyle until when she found out that, she was pregnant. She narrated how she fought with Kyle that morning since he was not yet ready for responsibility and told her upfront that he wants the baby aborted. But Tracy decided to keep the baby. The only problem she was facing now was her mom. How could she explain it to her that she is keeping the baby without a father? Her mom would really go nuts when she will find out. She warned her many times already that she do not want Tracy to end up like her. “It was so hard to raise kids without a father”. That is what her mom would always say. Tracy was still 3 years old when her mom and dad broke up. Good thing her father never lost contact with her and Lorie. But it was really her mother who sustained both of them financially. Her dad was and is still a bum. She really was a strong girl. She was firm with her decision in keeping the baby and moving in her dad’s hometown for good. As she was still talking and Mitch just silent listening to her, her phone rang. She looked at the phone screen and looked at Mitch, “its Lorie” she said. “I think she knows now”. So she clicked on “answer” and placed the phone on her ear but did not say anything. Lorie on the other line knew that Tracy was already there. “Why?” Lorie asked. Tracy just sighed. “Why Tracy?” Lorie asked again. “You do not have to leave. We can work it out. Mom always wants the best for us. She is angry right now and said she does not want to see you again. But I know that when you come home and just apologize, she would understand. You and Mom should talk.” There was a long pause. Then Tracy said, “Lorie, please understand. Just let me be for now. I will fix this mess soon. But just let me be for now. You take care of Mom. I love you. Bye.” And even Lorie could respond she put down the phone and turned it off.
Three months after, Tracy already got the hang of living a simple life. Totally opposite to her life when she was still staying with her Mom. Now, even buying a cereal for herself, she could not afford. Her jewelry was almost gone. She sold almost everything. The only thing that was left was a ring her Mom gave her on her 18th birthday. She had her pre-natal check ups at a public hospital. She did not take any vitamins for herself and the baby because she could not afford it. If she wants to eat something, she will just shove it off and wait for mealtime before she can eat. But she remained firm and dare not call her Mom or Lorie. The luxurious life she used to live is finally gone. One day as she was combing her hair, she noticed that she had a falling hair. She thought that was just it. But she thought wrong. The following day, she was playing with her other cousin’s 1 year old son. As she was playing “peek a boo” with the baby, the baby accidentally held her hair and when she tried to pull it out, she noticed that the baby had a handful of hair left in his hand. She was shocked and ran straight to her room and looked at herself in the mirror. There was already a white spot seen in her head. So she tried to pull her hair again, and true enough, she was able to get a handful as well. But there was no pain. Meaning, its not attached to the roots. Her hair was all falling off. After a few days, Tracy became bald. Giving up her luxurious life and now, she had to give up her beauty as well. Tracy was very beautiful. She was very popular in her school. She was a cheerleader back then. She had men gone crazy after dumping them. Not to mention by the way, that she had a very beautiful, shiny hair.
As she was staying with her grandmother, all she did was go to church, read the bible and pray. She could not work yet because nobody would hire her because she was a bald pregnant woman. People who do not know her would think that she has cancer. As days went by, she became closer and closer to God. And as her spirit became healthier, her body became weaker. On her 8th month of pregnancy, during her monthly pre-natal checkup, the doctor examining and measuring her abdomen height felt a lump in her stomach. The doctor touched it again and was 95% sure that it was a lump. So she recommended Tracy to have an Ultra sound. But having an Ultra sound was expensive. Tracy thought. So she had to make an excuse and told the doctor that she needs to go home and get money to pay for the Ultra sound. The doctor agreed. When Tracy got home, she went straight to her bedroom but this time did not lay down the bed like she used to, but immediately kneeled down and prayed. She cried but did not ask the Lord why? She prayed, “Lord, I know that I am a sinner. But I gave up everything just to be with you. I left my boyfriend because he wanted me to abort the baby, which I did not agree. I left my Mother and sister because I do not want to be burden to them. I know my mother hates me because of what I have done but I do not hate her back because she totally abandoned me. I go hungry because I do not have money to buy me food but would have to wait for whatever my Granny would serve, but you did not hear me complain. I went bald, but I never questioned you. A while ago, the doctor told me that she found a lump in my stomach. She told me that it could possibly be a cyst. If this would be confirmed, she had to operate me and will do a C-section so the baby would not be harmed and she would have to remove the lump. Lord, you know that I don not have money to pay for Ultra-sound; I do not have the money as well to pay the doctor if I have to go for an operation. Lord, I never asked you anything but strength. Now, I am begging you to lead me out through this test. You have emptied me already. Now its time for you to fill me again…”
Tracy went to Mitch’s room after an hour of prayer. She told Mitch everything. Mitch was the one who introduced Tracy to the Lord. She was the one who gave her a bible. She was the one who always accompany Tracy to her monthly pre-natal except that day because she had to do an errand for her Granny. When she heard the story, Mitch got up and told Tracy boldly. “Tracy, it is time to reap.” So she went with Tracy to the doctor. They were still early before the Ultra-sound lab would open. They waited at the lobby. Then Mitch overheard a young lady talking at a woman on the counter. The young lady said “Thank you. Thank you so much.” So Mitch stood up and went to see the woman at the counter. As she got nearer, she saw a small word in the counter label, which was a big word for her. “Charity”. She silently said “thank you Lord.” When she was already at the counter, the woman smiled and asked her “what can I do for you?” So Mitch asked the woman if she could help her cousin and told the woman about the situation. The woman then handed her a form, which Tracy should fill out. This was a Charity form. They will be given a “free laboratory tests” which included Ultra-sound and would cover doctor’s fee for that day. She told Mitch that Tracy could still get free consultation every check-up as long as she fills out the form every time she visits. Mitch only had 500 pesos. And when she checked the Ultra-sound fee, it was 500. But they don’t have to pay anymore. Just in time as soon as Tracy finished filling out the form, the laboratory opened. Since they were very early, she was the first to be called in. She gave the Charity form to the woman in-charged and she was led right away to the Ultra-sound room. She had to wait for a few minutes before she got the result. So, they hurried to the doctors room when she finally got it. When the doctor read the result, she asked, “Tracy, have you been praying? There is nothing here. And I am pretty sure I felt it this morning.” So she had to ask Tracy to lie down so she could look for the lump. As she was feeling all over Tracy’s abdomen, the doctor could not find it anymore.
On her 9th month, as she was already in labor, Mitch accompanied Tracy to the hospital. And in a few hours, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy. So when it was time to go home, Tracy was thinking that she can go home right away because Charity has taken cared of everything already. But she still needs to pay 500 pesos for some miscellaneous expenses from the hospital that was not covered by Charity. She called up Mitch and informed her about the problem. So Mitch on her way to fetch her, bumped into an old friend of Tracy. She told her that she is on her way to fetch Tracy. Tracy’s friend told her that she wanted to go with her but she had an important appointment so she will just visit Tracy when she gets home. And before she said goodbye, she handed Mitch 500 pesos and told her “my congratulations gift for her since I don’t have time to buy anything for her or the baby.” And so Tracy was able to pay the hospital bill of 500 pesos which was way, way cheaper than paying the hospital’s normal bill. And that was not it. When she got home, she was surprised by the biggest surprise of all. Her Mom was waiting for her. She did not say a thing. Tracy just went to her and hugged her and whispered, “I am sorry Mom.” But her Mom hushed her and just hugged her. “Where is my grandson?” And Mitch handed her the baby. As days went by, Tracy’s hair grew back, and she regained her beauty. She also found a job. She can buy whatever food she wants to buy now without having to wait for mealtime. But she is still single. Yet, she is happy. Very happy. Who would not be? After all those miracles?
When God says NO to your prayers, will you still praise him? After all those tears, the fist clenched hand ached from pleading, the droopy knees from kneeling, the aching arms from reaching. And God says “NO”. There will silent cries that will follow and questions starts to grow. “Why?” Can’t seem to stop the tears. Throat gets dry. You’re catching your breath from wanting to shout. You can’t say thank you anymore. Has your faith been waived? Have you not prayed enough? Have you not called God long enough? Why God does say NO? There has to be a reason. Has God gone deaf?
